5 Years ago : Fight with VUR

Dear Mysha,

It was today. Five years back, today, on November 07, 2016, you stood in that operation theatre gown. I saw you get dressed, and I saw you make faces. I saw you feeling vulnerable due to the surrounding environment of the hospital. Who likes them anyway? And then, I saw you ask for food repeatedly but couldn’t afford to give you any as a surgical procedure lay ahead of you that day.

But then a rhyme on an iPad came to the rescue, and you emersed in it victoriously. Cocomelon gets you and millions of kids around the world, every single time. The child in you helped you sail, while the mother in me broke every second that day. Uncertainty is hard to dodge, especially when the concerned party is a two-year-old, and to top it all, your child!

E. Coli is hard to combat, and it gripped you critically during the episodes of your UTI attacks. The night you fought 106 temperature gave you a minute scarring in your kidney and a massive one to my heart. As a human, I moved forward and made room for other memories, but this one made me shiver and planted in the corner of my mind. It did not dissolve, it sedimented. And then a whiff on Google photos recalled that day as “5 Years Ago”. The image of you standing in that white and red check operation gown excavated deep anxious feelings.

I’m very vocal, in spoken and written words, but some experiences bring immense pain, so you avoid putting it down. This is one of those experiences. Thankfully, time helped. I healed – to talk, to assess.

Our battle with VUR lasted almost two years, and there was a time, I thought we may not survive it. Not because you were young, or we, as parents, were weak, but because it’s life and anything is possible.

Do I still worry about the dark episode returning? Yes! Why? Because, apart from being a reasonable, educated, medically equipped woman, I’m a mother. The last word has its own insecurities and mind. Sometimes the mother in me overpowers the logical woman in me. Don’t worry; I do put up a good fight. I know the clash won’t end soon or, maybe, never. Who knows?

To worry about you was not a job I wanted to own but, I carry the load, though I don’t let myself succumb to it, so I will call it a win!

Baby girl, you fought well those two years. What you went through, only you know, and only you survived. I will remember that, so should you!

Love,
Mumma.

November 07, 2021

P.S. : In case you are looking for more information on VUR, please follow the link – https://saumyathoughts.wordpress.com/2017/06/13/our-fight-against-uti/